Challenge to The Great Abyss

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Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  Rawr the Awesome Cupcake on Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:08 am

El Mysterio's theme starts to play El Mysterio walks down to the ring looking very serious. He goes over and gets a mic and then gets into the ring

John: I wonder what he is gonna do

Peter: Well lets find out

Mysterio: Hello people im here for a little business if you want to here what it is say YEAH!

Crowd chants YEAH!

Mysterio: I have been seing a man in this business talking like he is the best here. Well i have a news flash for that person you are not the best person here. Now im not saying that i am because im not i know that. Now we all know that the next season is going to be better than ever with the roster splitting in half.

Peter: this sounds really exciting

John: I hope it is Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mysterio: I am here to challenge that man and he is The Great Abyss

John: wow i did not realize he has a grudge against him

Peter: when did he say that?

Mysterio: Abyss come on out i know you are here.

Abyss's music hits and he comes down to the ring with a mic in hand

Mysterio: So Abyss what is your answer?

Mysterio waits in the ring for the answer.


Last edited by penguin63 on Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:05 am; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : making it longer)
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  King Neli on Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:08 pm

not trying to criticize but this is way to short
a RP like this would never make it on to the card
try edit it to make it longer

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sorry

Post  Rawr the Awesome Cupcake on Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:07 am

oh ok ill try sorry
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  Rawr the Awesome Cupcake on Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:22 am

Is it long enough now?
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  King Neli on Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:50 am

defiantly
now this is more like a RP we wanna see
also its good to put the persons name you are challenging in the title in brackets or something so they know its for them as not all the people check all the RPs

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thanks

Post  Rawr the Awesome Cupcake on Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:05 am

thanks for the tips neli i owe you one Smile
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  Gasman on Wed Oct 15, 2008 7:29 am

Good RP. Keep it up! Smile
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  Superfamous on Wed Oct 15, 2008 1:00 pm

I agree with Gasman, nice RP.

RPing is kind of opposite of school and business(most of time)- they want you to get to point and be concise while wrestling is opposite. Instead of saying it in 10 words instead of 50 words, say in 50 words what you can say in 10. Don't say "I want x for interfering in my match with y" say " I was beating y (throw in stuff how you were pounding y)and getting ready for my finisher when x's interference cost me match. I'm going to get my revenge on x and personally show x the finisher (and add stuff about the pain you'll inflict on x) " Now add John or Peter to beginning, and to break up the parts about the match with y and what you'll do to x, and at the end to finish your RP, and now your little 10 word challenge turns into a few paragraphs and a nice little RP.


Last edited by Superfamous on Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Challenge to The Great Abyss

Post  Rawr the Awesome Cupcake on Wed Oct 15, 2008 1:54 pm

thanks
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